The first awakening experience will be a dramatic cross-over experience, and one you will never forget. Everyone is different, and no Aha’ awakening experience is created the same, but it will shake up your life like never before.
When I first awoke from the “sleeping-phase”, I remember questioning my life because somehow I had lost direction on where I was going. I reached an age (24 to be exact) where I started feeling like life was grabbing me by the horns and just dragging me through this crazy maze of insanity. Part of the ride was fun don’t get me wrong, but at times it was just sad and stressful.
I was a college dropout at the time, mother of a 4 year old son, and had a boyfriend whom didn’t seem too ambitious about life. We both worked mediocre jobs and made just enough money to pay our bills, and maybe go on a few dates per month. From the outside, our relationship looked okay but on the inside I was angry. I had a serious attitude when it came to guys for some reason. Maybe it had something to do with the way I was brought up. Being raised by a “Single Black Independent Woman” (my mother) she never took “crap” from any man, and I guess I carried that into my relationships. When things didn’t work out with her and my dad, she became a mad black woman that didn’t need a man for anything. Maybe it rubbed off on to me, but somehow I always ended up with guys who needed help. Financially, spiritually, emotionally, there was always something. I was the nurturer I guess, but didn’t realize why. I found myself continuing the same cycle of bullshit from relationships, not completing goals that I set out to accomplish because I was always trying to help them with their issues, not keeping the same car for more than a year, not turning out to be the success I saw in my dreams. I was always giving out my energy to other people, and forgetting about myself, and it would bite me. Life just seemed like it was kicking my ass and I didn’t understand why.
I questioned God. Am I a failure? Why am I not a famous singer?, Why couldn’t I be a major fashion designer?, Am I supposed to just be a single mom, with worthless boyfriend’s, live just over broke, party with my girls and spend my bi-weekly paycheck at the nail shop every other week. Maybe treat my son to Chuck-E-Cheese or TGIF, buy him Jordan’s and video games and somehow try to teach him to be a man? Oh I had serious questions to take up with the Universe and I was pissed. I knew life had to be better than this, and I was not a regular chick that would accept this. Not even from myself. I had no knowledge of spiritual awakening, but I was always drawn to astrology and horoscopes. I knew our future would be much brighter than what it was.
Then one hot summer day, I and my boyfriend at the time were arguing about our move-in deposit for a new condo we were approved for. We needed to move in a few days, and had to come up with all the money and we were short $300. The good news was that we were approved; we immediately wanted to jump out of bed, and go to a check cashing store to apply for a loan. I just threw on a hoodie over my pajama pants, with flip flops and ran out the door.
We both applied for the loan, and neither of us was approved. My boyfriend’s credit was not up to par, and I had an old payday loan that I forgot about, and needed to pay it off first. I was pissed, I had a somewhat optimistic mindset, but I was easily ticked off when things didn’t go my way.
I cried walking out the door of the check cashing store, and cried in the car. I remember making my boyfriend feel like it was his entire fault, and put pressure on him to come up with the money. I had my son and we needed to move as soon as possible. We argued, and went back and forth, and him being the calm, mellow person in the situation, he got out of the car and started walking off. Me, being the dramatic diva I was, got out of the car (it was blazing hot outside), and started following him, yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs, demanding that he comes back. I know he was completely embarrassed and wanted to get as far away from me as possible, to alleviate the many eyes that were on us, looking like some as some ghetto scene out of Love and Hip Hop.
As the distance between us grew, I cried even harder, and started yelling out to the Universe, “Whhhyyyy???” Who Am I? Why is my life going like this? Who do you want me to be? I needed answers right away. I demanded help.
As I was walking, one of the straps on my flip-flop broke, and I just fell to the ground in tears. I was so confused about life and how it worked. I didn’t like looking like a crazy person; I was actually very loving and compassionate. I went back to the car, and calmed down. I drove off and went home, and didn’t speak much the rest of the day.
The Beginning of the Rest of My Life
The next day my best friend just popped up at our house, and was overly enthused. Her son’s father had given her a lump sum of cash, and she had $300 to help us with moving. Secondly, she asked me if I knew anything about meditation, and my response was “Medi-what?” She was like “Oh my god, you have to see this movie called The Law of Attraction, it will change your life forever”.
We made a movie date out of this life changing movie. My bestie and her man, my boyfriend and I cooked amazing food, and all sat around glued to the TV. screen and shocked at how the words from this movie was changing and transforming every belief that we had about life. Our spirits were moved and uplifted and finally we had some answers, some truth on the true power that we hold inside our human shells. We understood why our lives had manifested into the very moments we created, even how we met. We learned so much, and one of the simplest messages, which had never fully made sense before was “Thoughts Manifest Things”, and all of a sudden they clicked and the light bulb in my head was lit.
My soul became extremely hungry for more spiritual soul-food, and I needed to know more. I had to find myself at the deepest core, and I was determined to soul search. I went to our local library searching for self-help spiritual books, and came across many great spiritual teachers and authors such as Eckhart Tolle, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Abraham Hicks, and Osho. You can say I was obsessed with growing spiritually and understanding who I was. I started with the Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, and each and every word resonated with my soul. It was as if the words were meant for me at the perfect time, and described everything I had been feeling and going through. Next I read the Law of Attraction, by Abraham Hicks, and followed the instruction on how to meditate, and attract the very things I wanted to experience or become.
I began to meditate religiously day and night, reading constantly, and all of these changes started occurring in my life almost immediately. Life was unfolding right before my eyes. My demeanor was much calmer, and outside circumstances didn’t affect me as much. I was happier as a soul being, and my thoughts came from my heart and not my mind. I could recognize the difference. I now could differentiate my ego, from my soul and understand they have two different voices. During morning walks outside, the colors of nature became brighter and more beautiful. My appreciation for the beauty of nature grew strong, and I felt this intense oneness with all that exists. The smallest things would put a smile on my face, like birds singing in the morning breeze, or the undeniable vibrant, lush blossoming of the flowers in my front yard. Life just became extremely beautiful.
Then one night, during meditation, I remember being alone, with soft music, candles burning, sitting on my living room floor. I set up the meditation space to welcome the ancestor and angels, and I began to meditate. I was mentally stating affirmations of gratitude, and envisioning my body exactly as I wanted to be, and something soul-shaking happened. I felt a huge electric current shock straight through my body from the top of my crown to the bottom of my feet, as if I was being electrocuted with soul light. It lasted for about 20 seconds, it was extremely intense.
My body continued sitting there, but my soul had levitated and I remember leaving out of my body. I could see myself from outside view, and I could fly. I became one with spirit, I was and am spirit, and my soul was reminded of this. When I returned to my body, and awoke I was literally a new being. An old soul being that had been here many times rather, but to others I was a new human. I walked and talked different, and had an undeniable smile. I glowed like the sun, and everyone noticed a 360 demeanor in how I treated people and myself with unconditional love. I had new eyes that could see through the bodies and eyes of others, and literally see their souls. It didn’t matter if they were a business woman in a Chanel suit, or a homeless man on the street. I would reach out and talk to anyone, and not feel intimidated or disgusted because I was them, and they were me, and we share this wonderful habitat, and we all came to Earth for different reasons. There was something to learn or relate too from everyone. I now knew that I was a soul occupying a human shell, and I was fearless.
I was able to control my mind, and only use it when necessary. My soul just took over the daily operations of everything going on inside, and it was amazing. It was a bitter sweet moment though, because it was like learning how to drive a car, and I didn’t want to hurt anyone on the road.
Since I was in a relationship, I explained to my boyfriend, that I loved him but I needed to walk this new journey alone for awhile. I didn’t want to hurt him with anymore of my mistakes or mishaps because I was still learning about myself, and did not want to be selfish. I realized I needed to let certain people and situations go that were no longer serving a meaningful purpose in my life. Unfortunately, that also meant friends too. The party girls that wanted to go shopping every Friday, and dash in and out of the nail shop every other week to attract thirsty guys had to go too. I was no longer satisfied with the mundane wild lifestyle of a twenty something girl. I no longer could relate. I was born again, more connected to oneness, nature, and universal love and serving my true purpose. My soul was on a mission, and now that the mind, and body were all caught up and on the same track, we had to get to work.
There was a lot of spiritual work to do, to be equipped for all of the many obstacles that I was soon to face, once the honeymoon stage was over. I walked into the unknown, not knowing what to expect but understood I was being initiated. The ride was like no other yet beyond amazing and cannot be described in words.
When I awoke each day, I was sincerely thankful, and could not wait for the day to get started. I found so much joy in the unknown. I was so excited because I didn’t know what was going to happen during the day but I knew it was going to be amazing. I anticipated wonder-full days, and it was always bliss. So many people would compliment this new glow. I was always hearing “Wow you are glowing”, “Or you are some kind of angel”. Random acts of kindness would happen everywhere I went, money was flowing in effortlessly, people would surprise me with gifts, in the store people would go out of their way to assist me. Like it was crazy, green lights would change for me almost immediately.
I was on cloud-9, on a spiritual high that I didn’t want to end. All of this beautiful wonder lasted for about 2 and a half sweet years.
Now that was about 8 years ago for me at this point, and the awakening growth only gets deeper, more challenging, and intense. When you are called to go through spiritual initiations, there comes more learning and growth spurts. Some of which I will discuss in another article.
As for the first time, once you go through it, there is no turning back. It’s like learning to drive, once you learn and you become an expert, there is no turning back, you will always know how to drive. The one thing they don’t tell you is that not only will you have to understand this manual on driving, but there will be more to come. The more adversity you will face, and more challenges to keep your soul growing. It’s as if the Universe is saying “Don’t get too comfortable; living angels don’t earn their wings that easy”. It’s all a part of this beautiful thing we call life.
I wish you the best on your journey.
Your soul sister